If you're skeptical about guided imagery audio recordings then check out this free download. It's for stress relief and relaxation. It's a little shorter than most guided imagery audio recordings - it's only 15 minutes, but even 15 minutes can make a big difference if you're really stressed out.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Framily – A Family Made of Friends; Not Blood Lines
Framily = (Fr)iends + F(amily)
For many of us who are survivors of childhood trauma, we gradually learn that we must rely more on our good friends than on our families. I grew up being told that blood runs thicker than water, but this is simply not true. Although it may be true that in some individual’s experience their parent, sibling, or child is the most meaningful relationship in their life; this is not the case for everyone.
It took me a long time to accept that the love that one is taught to expect to find through their mother and father is something that I would have to find elsewhere. Part of the problem is that I lived in the land of “should have” and it created in me a deep sense of bitterness, resentment, and injustice. Rather than accepting the dysfunctional family I had and coming to terms with that reality, I focused on the family I felt I deserved and was somehow being denied – the one I should have. This was a sure path towards disillusionment and depression, but I didn’t realize it at the time.
Accepting that my good friends would be my family was the first step towards feeling less alone in the world. But the next step was harder – identifying which friends I could count on to see me through tough times. Most friends are not cut out to fill the role of framily because they are either unable or unwilling. Friends with healthy family relationships have a harder time understanding the pain, fear, and sense of injustice associated with growing up in an abusive and dysfunctional family. And even if they want to help, because they have not suffered as much, they do not have a highly adept sense of empathy or compassion, and thus cannot truly help you in the way that you need them to.
When identifying which friends will be in your framily try to pick friends who have gone through similar experiences or have a high degree of emotional intelligence. Look for friends who are slightly senior to you and more mature because they have already processed many of the emotions and turmoil that you are experiencing and they can help you learn through their own experiences. I have a couple of friends who have acted as great mentors to me. Both of them are women who are about five years older than me. They went through much the same experience that I am currently going through and can relate on a deeper level than any other friends or professionals that I have spoken with. They are also both very successful and strong women and knowing that they have had similar experiences and thoughts gives me strength and hope because I know that I can get better just like them. Once you are more mature and wiser, add younger friends who you can mentor and share your experience with in order to help them triumph over their sense of despair and depression.
Picking framily over family doesn’t mean that you won’t have any contact or some form of a relationship with your family – it just means that when you’re in crises or in need, you know that you must turn to your framily. Many people choose to maintain an artificial relationship with their family out of a sense of duty, sense of tradition, love, compassion, etc, and that is a choice for each individual. We should not judge a person who decides to maintain some sort of relationship with their relatives – even if it is inauthentic. And by the same token, we should not judge a person who decides to cut all ties with any and all relatives. However, if you observe that a good friend is suffering because of their family relationships or lack thereof then in the right moment, it can be helpful to gently point out that this may be a source of pain for them and remind them that they have a choice – they have free will and a right to find joy. But don’t go further than pointing out that this may be the case – each person is responsible for her or his self and sometimes all we can really do for our good friends at the end of the day is give them a big hug.
For many of us who are survivors of childhood trauma, we gradually learn that we must rely more on our good friends than on our families. I grew up being told that blood runs thicker than water, but this is simply not true. Although it may be true that in some individual’s experience their parent, sibling, or child is the most meaningful relationship in their life; this is not the case for everyone.
It took me a long time to accept that the love that one is taught to expect to find through their mother and father is something that I would have to find elsewhere. Part of the problem is that I lived in the land of “should have” and it created in me a deep sense of bitterness, resentment, and injustice. Rather than accepting the dysfunctional family I had and coming to terms with that reality, I focused on the family I felt I deserved and was somehow being denied – the one I should have. This was a sure path towards disillusionment and depression, but I didn’t realize it at the time.
Accepting that my good friends would be my family was the first step towards feeling less alone in the world. But the next step was harder – identifying which friends I could count on to see me through tough times. Most friends are not cut out to fill the role of framily because they are either unable or unwilling. Friends with healthy family relationships have a harder time understanding the pain, fear, and sense of injustice associated with growing up in an abusive and dysfunctional family. And even if they want to help, because they have not suffered as much, they do not have a highly adept sense of empathy or compassion, and thus cannot truly help you in the way that you need them to.
When identifying which friends will be in your framily try to pick friends who have gone through similar experiences or have a high degree of emotional intelligence. Look for friends who are slightly senior to you and more mature because they have already processed many of the emotions and turmoil that you are experiencing and they can help you learn through their own experiences. I have a couple of friends who have acted as great mentors to me. Both of them are women who are about five years older than me. They went through much the same experience that I am currently going through and can relate on a deeper level than any other friends or professionals that I have spoken with. They are also both very successful and strong women and knowing that they have had similar experiences and thoughts gives me strength and hope because I know that I can get better just like them. Once you are more mature and wiser, add younger friends who you can mentor and share your experience with in order to help them triumph over their sense of despair and depression.
Picking framily over family doesn’t mean that you won’t have any contact or some form of a relationship with your family – it just means that when you’re in crises or in need, you know that you must turn to your framily. Many people choose to maintain an artificial relationship with their family out of a sense of duty, sense of tradition, love, compassion, etc, and that is a choice for each individual. We should not judge a person who decides to maintain some sort of relationship with their relatives – even if it is inauthentic. And by the same token, we should not judge a person who decides to cut all ties with any and all relatives. However, if you observe that a good friend is suffering because of their family relationships or lack thereof then in the right moment, it can be helpful to gently point out that this may be a source of pain for them and remind them that they have a choice – they have free will and a right to find joy. But don’t go further than pointing out that this may be the case – each person is responsible for her or his self and sometimes all we can really do for our good friends at the end of the day is give them a big hug.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Another Free Yoga Video Online - Yoga is Medicine for Depression
The main website is called:
www.myyogaonline.com There are many yoga webisodes for sale. For a free full-length sample - please refer to the google video here. I tried to embed the video into my blogpost, but it wasn't working.
www.myyogaonline.com There are many yoga webisodes for sale. For a free full-length sample - please refer to the google video here. I tried to embed the video into my blogpost, but it wasn't working.
Yoga is a Great form of Therapy for Depression or PTSD
Yoga is a great medicine for depression or post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Depression can make you feel completely apathetic and disinterested in life - it can also make you feel physically weak and exhausted. Yoga is a low-impact form of exercise and meditation that can be very therapeutic when you're feeling okay and amazing when you're feeling really depressed.
Yoga makes you more aware of your own body and especially your breathing - this forces your attention away from the world in your mind, into the present...and that's what being mindful, aware, and living in the "now" is all about.
Yoga can also be a good group activity where you can interact with other people in a low-stress and compassionate environment. It might even help you meet friends or mentors who are more empathetic and encouraging than the people you currently associate with. Going to a yoga class with a teacher and group can be helpful because a good teacher can improve your technique and doing yoga with other people around you can be inspiring and invigorating.
If you are so depressed that you're afraid of leaving the comfort and protection of your own home - don't despair. There are many free resources online and many instructional dvds for purchase. Here is a free online tutorial that look good:
http://www.yoga-poses-and-beyond.com/index.html
Yoga is for everyone! Each yoga pose is designed to be built on, so you start with the most basic poses and then build on them. Don't be afraid! And remember - yoga is not a competition - yoga is about centering yourself and showing love to your own body by giving it your full attention as you relax, stretch, and strengthen every fiber in your body.
Here is another free yoga video online:
And here is another free yoga video available online here.
If you don't like the style of the yoga videos then feel free to look for more online. Google video has a list of available yoga videos.
Yoga makes you more aware of your own body and especially your breathing - this forces your attention away from the world in your mind, into the present...and that's what being mindful, aware, and living in the "now" is all about.
Yoga can also be a good group activity where you can interact with other people in a low-stress and compassionate environment. It might even help you meet friends or mentors who are more empathetic and encouraging than the people you currently associate with. Going to a yoga class with a teacher and group can be helpful because a good teacher can improve your technique and doing yoga with other people around you can be inspiring and invigorating.
If you are so depressed that you're afraid of leaving the comfort and protection of your own home - don't despair. There are many free resources online and many instructional dvds for purchase. Here is a free online tutorial that look good:
http://www.yoga-poses-and-beyond.com/index.html
Yoga is for everyone! Each yoga pose is designed to be built on, so you start with the most basic poses and then build on them. Don't be afraid! And remember - yoga is not a competition - yoga is about centering yourself and showing love to your own body by giving it your full attention as you relax, stretch, and strengthen every fiber in your body.
Here is another free yoga video online:
And here is another free yoga video available online here.
If you don't like the style of the yoga videos then feel free to look for more online. Google video has a list of available yoga videos.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Documentary on the Effectiveness of Integrated Treatments Methods - "The New Medicine"
The New Medicine is a documentary about the direction in which modern medicine is evolving. Gradually, scientific evidence is being gathered to support the theory that holistic or integrated medicine is more effective than treatments relying solely on drugs or surgical procedures. Holistic or integrated medicine incorporates the mind, emotions, and spirit, as well as the body, into the treatment process. It also emphasizes preventative health care as part of the overall treatment system.
If you are skeptical about the effectiveness of meditation, guided imagery, exercise, behavioral psychology, yoga, working with a spiritual healer, or pursuing an unconventional form of treatment then this is a good film to watch.
The Film is available on Netflix:
"Before her death in 2006 from lung cancer, Dana Reeves filmed this thought-provoking program exploring the use of holistic remedies in modern medicine. Moving beyond traditional treatments and examining more lifestyle factors, an increasing number of doctors are supplementing their work with a host of healing alternatives -- including meditation, hypnosis and acupuncture -- to treat the whole body and restore their patients' health." (netflix.com Oct 29, 2009)
Or you can purchase it from the Amazon site:
A side note: remember to keep in mind that just as there are poor quality doctors - there can be poor quality guided imagery recordings, psychologists, yoga instructors, or spiritual healers. So make sure that you take your time and be choosy when you look for someone or something to help you in your treatment. If it doesn't feel right at your core then don't do it. But don't be afraid to try new things. Just don't over-invest yourself in anything. Also, if you decide to use herbal supplements or non-conventional medicine - check with your primary care doctor first to avoid any complications and make sure that what you're doing is safe. If you don't feel comfortable discussing these things with your primary care doctor because he/she does not take them seriously - then find a new primary care doctor! Your primary care doctor should be respectful and take you seriously; he/she should also be forward thinking enough and in tune with the rapidly developing body of evidence supporting integrated and holistic medicine.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Recommended Guided Imagery Audio Recordings
Belleruth Naparstek has pioneered "guided imagery" as a form to heal from depression and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In this post, I go over some of the guided imagery audio recordings that I have used and find useful. I hope that you will also find them useful. If you are on a tight budget then consider looking for them at your local library - my library had several of them. Some libraries even take requests from users, so you can request that they purchase them.
Before I begin, let me briefly describe guided imagery. Guided imagery is basically a form of meditation where symbolism and your imagination are used to explore and process deeper underlying emotions. For some people, especially people with depression or deep inner turmoil, it can be a very powerful tool to work with your own subconscious. It also has the added benefit of being something that you can do in the privacy of your own home where you can feel safe and protected and able to really open up and dig deep inside of yourself.
If you are new to meditation, guided imagery can be a good stepping stone. Most of the audio recordings come with a set of affirmations that are designed to help you develop positive thinking; these work best if you quiet your mind and block our negative thoughts and truly open up to the positive messages in the affirmations. Since guided imagery and affirmations work on a subconscious level, they work particularly well when you listen to them right before you go to sleep. Guided imagery also has the advantage that you can do it from the comfort and safety of your own home where you can really relax, focus inwards, and open up to yourself.
I have to admit that the first time I lay down with my head phones on to listen to the guided imagery, I felt skeptical and a little silly. At first, I couldn't help but laugh a little at the deep, soothing, articulate, and dramatic voice that came on. I think I laughed more at myself then at the voice, since I felt so nervous and out of my element. But gradually I settled in and really gave the recordings a chance. Things were really bad for me when I checked out my my first guided imagery CDs from the library and I was completely destroyed - I spent the days sobbing uncontrollably in my room and drifting in and out of an exhausting series of flashbacks. Half the time, I couldn't tell if I was alive, in a dream, or had traveled back in time to my childhood self. I felt isolated, alone, and abandoned. I felt terrified, enraged, and saddened. I felt hopeless, powerless, worthless, and defeated. The world stopped making sense and the future grim if at all imagined. It was a very dark time as I felt that I was losing my grip on everything - even my own mind was out of my control. Time ceased to exist. Everything suffered - I couldn't think, my memory was disjointed, I couldn't focus on a conversation, I would slip in and out of thoughts even if I was in the middle of a conversation. I felt numb and I lost interest in anything and everything that had ever given me joy. I felt like a shell of a human being - like some strange phantom.
I have felt these things and trust me when I say that things can get better and that they will get better. Have faith. Look for help from your family, friends, lover, books, audio, spiritual leaders/healers, therapists, travel, writing, exercise, meditation, yoga, etc - do anything and everything that you can. I hope that my experience can give you ideas and a framework with which to work from. Guided imagery was one of the first things to help me - it made my mind calm down and it helped me relax. It especially helped me late at night when I would lie awake in my bed terrified - in a state of panic and hyper arousal - unable to sleep and sobbing as bad memories resurfaced in the form of vivid flashbacks. The audio recordings became something comforting and soothing that I could focus on. Many times when listening to them, I would fall asleep, but that didn't matter - they helped me get a deep and restful sleep at a time that that was nearly impossible. Research also indicates that since the recordings function more on a subconscious level that dosing off or falling asleep while listening to them can actually make them more effective.
Below I list some guided imagery or guided meditation recordings that are designed for people experiencing depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and the associated feelings of anger, stress and grief. There are many more designed for specific needs like preparing for surgery, getting through cancer, insomnia, alcohol/drug abuse, and weight loss, so you should browse their selection to decide which one is best for you.
Combat Depression
Healing Trauma (PTSD)
Panic Attacks
Healthful Sleep
Anger and Forgiveness
Ease Grief
Relaxation and Wellness
Relieve Stress
Self Confidence
NOTE: To learn more about how guided imagery can specifically help with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) then please refer to Belleruth Naparstek's book, Invisible Heroes where she discusses the scientific evidence that supports its effectiveness:
Before I begin, let me briefly describe guided imagery. Guided imagery is basically a form of meditation where symbolism and your imagination are used to explore and process deeper underlying emotions. For some people, especially people with depression or deep inner turmoil, it can be a very powerful tool to work with your own subconscious. It also has the added benefit of being something that you can do in the privacy of your own home where you can feel safe and protected and able to really open up and dig deep inside of yourself.
If you are new to meditation, guided imagery can be a good stepping stone. Most of the audio recordings come with a set of affirmations that are designed to help you develop positive thinking; these work best if you quiet your mind and block our negative thoughts and truly open up to the positive messages in the affirmations. Since guided imagery and affirmations work on a subconscious level, they work particularly well when you listen to them right before you go to sleep. Guided imagery also has the advantage that you can do it from the comfort and safety of your own home where you can really relax, focus inwards, and open up to yourself.
I have to admit that the first time I lay down with my head phones on to listen to the guided imagery, I felt skeptical and a little silly. At first, I couldn't help but laugh a little at the deep, soothing, articulate, and dramatic voice that came on. I think I laughed more at myself then at the voice, since I felt so nervous and out of my element. But gradually I settled in and really gave the recordings a chance. Things were really bad for me when I checked out my my first guided imagery CDs from the library and I was completely destroyed - I spent the days sobbing uncontrollably in my room and drifting in and out of an exhausting series of flashbacks. Half the time, I couldn't tell if I was alive, in a dream, or had traveled back in time to my childhood self. I felt isolated, alone, and abandoned. I felt terrified, enraged, and saddened. I felt hopeless, powerless, worthless, and defeated. The world stopped making sense and the future grim if at all imagined. It was a very dark time as I felt that I was losing my grip on everything - even my own mind was out of my control. Time ceased to exist. Everything suffered - I couldn't think, my memory was disjointed, I couldn't focus on a conversation, I would slip in and out of thoughts even if I was in the middle of a conversation. I felt numb and I lost interest in anything and everything that had ever given me joy. I felt like a shell of a human being - like some strange phantom.
I have felt these things and trust me when I say that things can get better and that they will get better. Have faith. Look for help from your family, friends, lover, books, audio, spiritual leaders/healers, therapists, travel, writing, exercise, meditation, yoga, etc - do anything and everything that you can. I hope that my experience can give you ideas and a framework with which to work from. Guided imagery was one of the first things to help me - it made my mind calm down and it helped me relax. It especially helped me late at night when I would lie awake in my bed terrified - in a state of panic and hyper arousal - unable to sleep and sobbing as bad memories resurfaced in the form of vivid flashbacks. The audio recordings became something comforting and soothing that I could focus on. Many times when listening to them, I would fall asleep, but that didn't matter - they helped me get a deep and restful sleep at a time that that was nearly impossible. Research also indicates that since the recordings function more on a subconscious level that dosing off or falling asleep while listening to them can actually make them more effective.
Below I list some guided imagery or guided meditation recordings that are designed for people experiencing depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and the associated feelings of anger, stress and grief. There are many more designed for specific needs like preparing for surgery, getting through cancer, insomnia, alcohol/drug abuse, and weight loss, so you should browse their selection to decide which one is best for you.
Combat Depression
Healing Trauma (PTSD)
Panic Attacks
Healthful Sleep
Anger and Forgiveness
Ease Grief
Relaxation and Wellness
Relieve Stress
Self Confidence
NOTE: To learn more about how guided imagery can specifically help with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) then please refer to Belleruth Naparstek's book, Invisible Heroes where she discusses the scientific evidence that supports its effectiveness: