Practical Steps Towards Decreasing Depression

If you have severe depression like I have then it can be difficult to do anything.  Depression can be further exacerbated by unrealistically high expectations and constantly shifting your focus.

The first step towards treating depression is to realize and accept that you have depression - so say it out loud, "I have depression."  It isn't permanent and it isn't for life - it's just a state of mind.  It's like your mind has a virus and it's making all your thoughts negative.  The only way you can kill the virus is by identifying those bad thoughts, recognizing that they are only the depression talking and gradually changing the way you think by focusing on positive thoughts.  The number one thing to realize when overcoming depression is that you are not your mind and that you cannot believe everything you think.  I talk more about this in my blog post here where I discuss an important exercise assigned by my life coach Annelene Decaux.

But anyway, I'm getting away from the main purpose of this post.  Even though we can think of ourselves as having a separate mind, body, emotions, and spirit - in truth, they are all connected.  Therefore, we can't just focus on changing the way we think - we also have to take care of our physical body.

One of the worst aspects of depression is that it can be difficult to tell whether or not you're getting better.  And when things are really bad - it can feel like you don't have enough energy to even get out of bed and perform basic human functions like eating, sleeping, and getting exercise.  We need to be compassionate with ourselves and accept that in a state of depression we need to have reasonable expectations of ourselves - otherwise we'll feel like a failure.  You need to be kind to yourself and have patience with yourself - just like you would have with a small child.  In truth, showing patience and compassion to yourself is like recognizing your inner child and showing compassion to her/him.

Below, I provide a simple excel sheet that I use to track my progress in overcoming my depression.  It focuses on basic human functions - healthy exercise, sleeping, and eating. 

I have been focusing on these basic goals and they have helped me.  I print out a new sheet every week and record my progress - then I save the sheet and when I accomplish all my goals for the day then I record that fact.  

I view these goals as the main things that I have to accomplish every day to see my day as a success.  When I have more energy then maybe I read, hang out with friends, write, work on projects, clean my house, or help out a friend.  But at the very minimum, I strive to complete these goals every day.  At first, there were many days that I could not even accomplish half the goals on this sheet, but I didn't beat myself up about it.  Instead, I told myself - that's okay, you'll get there eventually.  Every day is it's own opportunity.  And every day that I completed all my goals - I would reward myself $1.  With that dollar, I would use it towards buying an iTunes song that I enjoyed or saving it up to enjoy some other capricious desire.  The point is that you should focus on rewarding yourself when you do a good job and telling yourself, "I'll do better tomorrow," when you have a rough day.

Let me elaborate a little bit more on why I chose this set of goals.  After making it very clear to my behavioral psychologist that I was not comfortable taking any form of medication to treat my depression, she encouraged me to do one hour of vigorous exercise every day.  My psychologist has a PhD and is very knowledgeable and well-read in the various treatments available for depression.  She explained to me that an hour of vigorous exercise where you elevate your heart rate and really get your blood pumping fills your body with endorphins.  These naturally created endorphins are sort of like a free form of anti-depressants without any of the negative side affects.  She told me that even if I felt too awful to do anything else - that I should at least exercise for one hour a day.  If you're not strong enough to exercise for one full hour - don't worry.  Start with 15 or 30 minutes and gradually build up from there.  In the section labeled "One hour of Exercise" record the amount of time you exercised and the activity.

The next section - stabilizing sleep patterns - I added because I noticed that my depression was causing me to sleep at all sorts of odd hours.  Some days I would go to sleep at 4am and wake up at 6am.  Other days I would sleep from 8pm to 11am.  Some days I was awake all night and slept for the whole day.  My entire sleeping schedule was destroyed.  This was mainly because my "bad" episodes (where I would break down crying and my head would fill with bad memories) happened mainly at night.  My lack of regular and restful sleep only intensified my feelings of paranoia, exhaustion, and weariness.  Even during the worst of it - I knew that if I could just get on a better sleep cycle - things would get better for me, but it felt nearly impossible.  At first, I just wanted to fix it all at once.  I told myself - I would just set my alarm and get up at the same time no matter what.  But this did not work, since my body craved sleep so badly that I would collapse from exhaustion eventually.  I then decided to take a more reasonable approach and be more patient with myself.  I realized and accepted that my body needed sleep and that the "bad" episodes needed to happen - they were a way to express and process my emotions.  So I focused on getting 7-9 hours of sleep everyday.  I decided that if I was aware of when I got to bed and when I got up, I could gradually move towards a more regular sleeping schedule.  I also made it a point to incorporate other tenants of achieving better sleep that I had read about - no napping and no TV before bed.  The point is that I didn't get angry at myself for not waking up at a certain time or falling asleep by a certain time.  This took the pressure off of me.  At night, I worked on activities that did not involve watching television (I usually read or wrote in my journal) and then I feel asleep when I was really sleepy.  I did not set an alarm and I got up when I was rested.

The next part to the excel sheet "Eating Healthy" is a simple way to improve your diet, create good energy with which to exercise, and minimize stimulants that may keep you up at night.  The "No Caffeine (Tea, Coffee, Soft Drinks, Energy Drinks, Energy Bars, etc), No Chocolate, Low Sugar" goals - are all designed to remove stimulants that are keeping you from sleeping and making you jittery, nervous, or tense.  Completely removing caffeine and eating less sugar helped the most for me.  I found it difficult to completely eliminate chocolate, but it helped to eat less of it and only eat it in the morning.  Avoiding processed foods (junk food, canned foot, packaged foods, energy bars, health bars, heavily processed cereals, etc.) was very important as well.  These foods don't provide good energy and they often have additional chemicals and excessive sodium, sugar, or caffeine that shock your system.  I focused on eating regularly spaced meals and made sure to include a vegetable, fruit, and a bit of protein with every meal.  This is very simple - it can be a carrot, an apple, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Or maybe a banana, bit of salad, and a handful of nuts.  Or a pear, some red pepper slices, and some eggs.  Since I was so depressed - I didn't have much energy, so at first I focused on making simple, quick meals.  Gradually, as I felt better, I created tastier and more complicated meals.  One relatively easy meal that can last you several days is lentil soup with vegetables.  I use french green lentils and add carrots, broccoli,  potatoes, onions, garlic, red peppers, etc.  I put everything in a crock pot with a timer and let it cook for 6-8 hours.  The timer is key, since the crock pot will just turn off when it's done and you won't accidentally burn your food by forgetting about it, since you're so depressed.  Once I felt better, I also tried to incorporate more variety into my meals by never having the same thing for breakfast, lunch, or dinner two days in a row.  I find that this has really helped.

The next step is tracking "bad" or unpleasant episodes.  The idea here is not eliminate these episodes entirely because in many ways they are a necessary way to process your emotions.  Rather, the idea is to recognize patterns - like how many bad episodes are you having; when do they happen most frequently; is there anything in particular that triggers them; how do you try to deal with them when they do happen; what works and what doesn't work when you experience an onslaught of emotions, etc.  You don't need to be angry with yourself when you have a "bad" episode by experiencing a flashback or breaking down crying or just feeling completely awful and enraged for a while.  These are all part of the healing process.  The idea is to become more aware of ourselves - of our body and our emotions.  When you have a bad episode - you want to be able to stop, accept that you are feeling bad, acknowledge that you are feeling bad, and then honor that emotion in a health way - by crying, writing, talking, screaming, singing, punching a pillow, etc.  You will gradually find that by quickly accepting and embracing your "bad" episodes that they will pass by more quickly.  As my life coach Annelene Decaux explained to me, depression is just a form of stuck energy inside of you - stuck emotions that need to be recognized, expressed, released, and learned from.

The next section, "One hour of Mindfulness," is to make you more aware of your spiritual practice.  One of the mistakes that people who suffer from depression regularly make is that they forget and stop doing what helped them get through their depression in the first place.  All the things that we learn to do to help ourselves through depression like yoga, journal writing, meditation, self-acknowledgment exercises, etc, are things that we need to continue doing and integrate into our daily lives.  We will need to do them less or less frequently than when we were super depressed, but we still need to do them.  They will help us be the best person that we can be and will prevent us from developing extreme depression again.

Finally, the "notes" section is a good place to record observations, random thoughts, or whatever you want.  Sometimes I just put a big smiley face in this section and other times I make an insightful comment on something I learned that day about myself.

So print out this excel sheet, modify it to make your own, or whatever!  You may find it especially useful to compile your week-by-week results in an excel file to keep track of your progress.  You can also share your progress with your therapist, spiritual healer, mentor, or a trusted friend.  Okay, here is a big virtual hug and good luck!  We will overcome our depression - remember, depression is just a state of mind and it can be overcome!

The Purpose of This Blog - To Help Those with Depression and PTSD

I write in this blog to help other people like me who suffer from depression and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). My PTSD is due to childhood trauma, so other people who have experienced childhood trauma may find it particularly impactful. That being said, there are many resources that I talk about that can also serve the needs of sufferers of PTSD due to rape, a severe event, war veterans, a traumatic event, etc. 

I focus particularly on methods of healing that are free of narcotics or other pain masking drug treatments. The methods I have learned may take longer and require more dedication and energy than popping a pill, but I can promise you that they are the only true way through and out to the other side. 

I know how crippling a state of mind depression can be and I want you to know that that's all it really is in the end - a state of mind. The first time I heard this, I denied it because I thought the message was to ignore my pain and ignore those things that had been bothering me, but that's not the message. The message is that depression is like a virus in your mind that may have begun from legitimate pain that you have failed to recognize for so long that it has taken over, so you can't believe everything your mind comes up with. The key is to recognize your pain, accept it, honor it, and take the necessary steps to change your life. You are smart - your body, mind, emotions, spirit - are smart. You cannot ignore what they are trying to tell you. It will not just go away and pain medication will not solve it for you. You need to address the problems in your life and make the necessary changed inside of you, outside of you, with the people in your life, and in your community/environment to make yourself better. 

Finally, I would like to share a quote with you that inspires me; it is from the book, The Wisdom of the Enneagram,

 "Always remember that it is your birthright and natural state to be wise and noble, loving and generous, to esteem yourself and others, to be creative and constantly renewing yourself, to be engaged in the world in awe and in depth, to have courage and to rely on yourself, to be joyous and effortlessly accomplished, to be strong and effective, to enjoy peace of mind and to be present in the unfolding mystery of your life."

Inspiration for Making Your Own Guided Imagery Audio Tapes

Below I provide several ideas or concepts around which you can create your own audio tapes.

(1) One concept is what I like to call “Forecast, Dream, and Aspire” and in this concept you imagine who you are and your life, and then you describe it to yourself. You can include details like how much you’re enjoying your yoga, meditation, and mindfulness practices, and how those are making you a healthier and happier person. You can describe how beautiful, clean, and great feeling your home is now that you’ve consciously tried to make the space around you more harmonious. You can include concrete details like how many kids you will one day have or the awesome job you’ll eventually enjoy, but remind yourself that it’s not the number of kids or gender or the exact job and company that will make you feel fulfilled, but rather it’s the sense of community, love, pride, or purpose that it gives your life.

The idea is not to create goals that you’re waiting to achieve, but to recognize and hope that life will get better because it can. You will never achieve a better life situation if you can’t envision it, so start there and the rest will follow. Just don’t get frustrated because things aren’t precisely how you envisioned. The idea here is not to create a checklist of details you can check off, but rather to create a vision of love, warmth and power. It should be a vision of hope and optimism.

I recommend using the active voice and describing the situation as if it was true right at this moment – that you are living it. I also recommend emphasizing the love and compassion that you give to yourself constantly and discuss the awareness and mindfulness that you are constantly cultivating.

(2) Another idea is what I call “symbolic dreaming” audio tapes. For example, I like to imagine myself as a dolphin swimming through the ocean. It’s good to describe what you’re experiencing that you enjoy – the water running over your body; the freedom of the wide, open ocean; the sense of being part of a special community; the magic of the ocean; the exhilaration of jumping and twirling up over the water. Other times, I like to imagine myself as a fairy flying over the world or the ocean or even to other galaxies and make believe lands. I imagine the peace and quiet of the wind passing over my ears and the thrill of souring. I imagine travelling down into redwood groves and exploring under leaves and around streams. I imagine falling in love with another fairy and travelling on adventures together.

(3) Another idea is what I fondly call the “Patronus Charm,” a term that I am borrowing from Harry Potter. In case you haven’t read Harry Potter (which you should! It’s such a fun, imaginative, and light-hearted read!), the Patronus Charm is used to combat Dementors who are basically monsters that feed off of people’s fear and pain. The Patronus Charm can only be conjured up by thinking of the most powerful happy thought that you have and yelling “Expecto Patronum” and then an avatar of sorts bursts out of your wand and staves off the evil Dementors. In this case, our bad memories or thoughts are dementors and we need to combat them with good thoughts. So first, try to express what scares you – maybe try doing it metaphorically if it’s too difficult to talk about. For example, I describe my pain, anger, and fear with images of ripped flesh, blood, screams, silent screams/sobs, lying prostrate on the ground, the sense of not existing or ceasing to exist. But you can also use more synthesized descriptions of your thoughts like stating that you feel lonely or scared. You can also describe a bad experience that happen to you – like a rape or beating – and express your fear of it happening again.

Then you need to counter these bad thoughts with your best memories. For example, the love you feel for your significant other, the sweet embrace of a lover, the kind nudge of a pet, the thrill of running or biking up a mountain, the warmth of true friendship, the respect and admiration of coworkers or something along those lines. You can also remember less powerful memories that still bring good feelings – like a fun party you went to or a great laugh you had with some friends or a great concert you went to or listening to your favorite comedian.


The purpose behind all of these exercises is to remind ourselves that there are bad things in the world and bad things have happened, but there are also good things in the world and good things have happened to us. And most importantly – that good things will come to us again if we just start believing that then can and will.

Below is something that I wrote in my journal and I find it useful to look back at every once in a while – I hope that it will help you too.

What is innocence? What does it mean to lose it? I think when considering these things it is important to differentiate between what it means to be naive and what it means to be innocent. To be naive is to believe the world is all good and to lose naivete is to gain sight. However, to lose innocence is to lose the desire to live...to lose the ability to see good in the world...to lose the belief that life is supposed to be good...the conviction that it SHOULD be good.

To lose naivete is to reach adulthood, but to lose innocence is to die.

Video Journaling as a Method to Increase Compassion and Love for Your Self

Video journaling is a very powerful way to allow yourself to recognize your own pain. You can’t lie to yourself, so doing this can be particularly helpful in breaking the cycle of numbness or disassociation you are feeling. The first few times you might find that you just sit there staring into the camera unable to speak. But give it time – the emotions will be released and you will be awakened to a new perspective of yourself. Video journaling is a great way to open up a greater sense of compassion for yourself – particularly if you’re the type of person who has a lot of compassion for other people, but not much for yourself.

The first time I made a video journal, I talked about what was causing me pain and since I was in so much pain and I felt so uncomfortable talking about it, there were many long pauses. I was aggravated with my inability to talk and felt a little silly doing this, but when I played the video back to myself, I was struck with a deep sense of compassion. Somehow, sitting there, watching my own face and looking into those delicate, yet incredibly pained eyes made me feel a great rush of love for myself. Suddenly, more than anything else in the world – I just wanted to help myself.

I would recommend against posting your video journals or sharing them with other people. They are intended for you to get to know yourself better and knowing that they will not be shared with anyone will make you more honest with yourself.

You can also create your own audio tapes with positive statements, prayers, messages, quotes that you love, journal entries you’ve written, or papers you’ve read that resonate with you. Hearing your own voice will help you create more compassion and love for yourself.
 
Most laptop computers come with built-in video cameras and microphones, but if yours does not have these features included or you have a desktop then you can purchase an inexpensive set at Best Buy, Amazon, Radio Shack, Fry’s Electronics Store, or any consumer electronics store in your neighborhood.

Good and Bad Ways to Process Emotions

Emotions need to be processed, but there are good ways and there are bad ways to do this. One of the problems of being a survivor of childhood trauma or having grown up in a dysfunctional family is that you become afraid of expressing emotions because you don’t want to become like your parents. I find myself afraid to feel anything because I attribute my parents’ violent and uncontrolled outbursts with them feeling their emotions. My parents are not spiritual people and they refuse to give their emotions much credence; this leads to them numbing themselves with intermittent bursts of brutality. I also find it difficult to feel my emotions because I have a habit of disassociating or numbing myself – something I have done ever since I can remember as a defense mechanism. Disassociation, as any licensed professional psychologist or spiritual guide will tell you, is terrible for you. Emotions need to find a way out and if you don’t provide a healthy outlet they can erupt and hurt someone or you can numb yourself so badly that the people who care and love you will be hurt by your negative presence.

I’ve come to realize that repressing emotions is extremely unhealthy. Depression is stuck energy and it’s usually anger or sadness. We need to find healthy ways to express our anger, sadness, rage, fear, or sense of helplessness. I recommend making a list with two columns where you contrast the BAD ways that you, your parents, or people you know have expressed their emotions (or failed to) with the GOOD ways that exist to process emotions.

Here is my list in case you need some inspiration:

BAD

• My Dad slapping me when he’s angry or upset.
• My Dad destroying furniture around our house.
• My Dad swearing and using very hurtful language.
• My Dad drinking himself into a stupor and doing or saying stupid things.
• My Dad driving drunk and denying it.
• My Dad punching me.
• My Mom hitting me manically with her hands, broom, shoes, or whatever was readily available because she was upset about some random, stupid thing and she was so sad and angry that she didn’t know what to do, so she just lashed out at a small, defenseless child.
• Escaping to TV for hours and hours.
• My Mother blaming me for her missed opportunities
• Breaking a gift that my Dad gave me because I was really mad at him.
• Causing myself physical pain out of anger (hitting, cutting).
• Parents trivializing my pain, anger, and fear, and making me feel stupid – because acknowledging my feeling would make them feel ashamed – it was easier to take their pain out on a child than be strong.
• Being passive aggressive.
• Misdirecting anger towards other people.
• Isolating oneself.
• Avoidance – avoiding certain things to such an extent that it massively changes you life.

GOOD

• Running, swimming, biking or doing some sort of physical activity by yourself to let out your emotions and let them run their course.
• Screaming or crying to a pillow.
• Screaming or crying in a sound-proof room (lots of University campuses have sound-proof music rooms that you can check out for a couple of hours-usually to practice singing or an instrument-if anyone asks any questions just say you're going for the Guinness world record for screaming).
• Writing freely in a journal or diary that you keep well hidden. Sometimes, I find that it helps to write in the 3rd person about truly horrific experiences.
• Buy a beautiful wooden box with a lock on it. Whenever you have a bad memory or thought – write it up and put it in the box. Every once in a while, honor those memories by taking them out and reading them.
• Video journaling is a very powerful way to allow yourself to recognize your own pain. You can’t lie to yourself, so doing this can be particularly helpful in breaking the cycle of numbness or disassociation you are feeling. The first few times you might find that you just sit there staring into the camera unable to speak. But give it time – the emotions will be released and you will be awakened to a new perspective of yourself. Video journaling is a great way to open up a greater sense of compassion for yourself – particularly if you’re the type of person who has great compassion for other people, but not for yourself.
• Listen to guided imagery. Guided imagery is a sort of guided meditation that uses symbolism to help you process emotions. This can be very effective for some people. Particularly people who are exhausted, weary, tired, and down-trodden.
• Listen to affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that are intended for repeated listening to change the thoughts you produce.
• Do Yoga.
• Do meditation.
• Pray (to Gaia, Buddha, God, Elvis, Allah, or whatever you want).
• Create your own guided imagery tapes.
• Practice mindfulness or consciousness where you let feeling or emotions flow through you. Sometimes it helps to prepare the space around you – play some mood music, light some candles, dim the lights, and pick a time of day when nobody is home and no neighbors are snooping around.
• Remind yourself that sometimes your parents said cruel things that were really abrasive thoughts due to their own problems, rather than some true insight into you.
• Remind yourself again and again that: YOU ARE NOT YOUR PARENTS!
• Read self-improvement books.
• Read your own best journal entries.
• Write and read about your good memories (think Tinkerbell – if you just think happy thoughts…you’ll be able to fly!) =)
• Paint, draw, do art. Even if you’re not artistic, I find that it can be really help to create abstract art. Particularly with gummy pastels or paint because it’s a physically exerting experience and can help you churn out a lot of negative feelings.  Who knows-you might eventually be discovered!
• Sing songs or listen to songs that resonate with your negative emotions – maybe they’re sad or angry songs
• Sing songs or listen to songs to get you out of a negative state and into a more joyous emotional state (songs that remind you of good times or whose lyrics inspire you).
• I you are really, really angry – a good way to cool off is to take a freezing cold shower. This can actually be kind of painful, but by the time your heart is racing and your blood gets going – it can really help you process extreme anger. You should stay in the shower until you get pretty cold, but don’t be silly and get hypothermia. I usually turn on the warm water after I’ve let the rage run its course and I’m thinking more calmly. It’s almost the equivalent of going for an intense run, but it’s easier because you can do it from the privacy of your home. If you don’t have annoying neighbors and you’re alone at home – it can also help to yell or scream in the shower. The sound of the water will make it easier. If you’re still embarrassed – try playing loud music too.
• Write out letters that you’re not going to send to the people you’re angry at and express your full anger. It’s best to do this by hand and not while you’re drunk, so that you don’t accidentally e-mail it in a fit of rage.
• Write down your fears then write out counterarguments to them or statements expressing your acceptance for the fears that you cannot change. It’s particularly useful to make audio recordings of both the negative concern and positive rebuttle. It’s best to make the audio recording when you feel strong and to speak in a strong voice, so that when you listen to them later, they’re more impactful.